Prayer

I grew up going to Catholic Schools-1st grade through 12th. I left 12th grade with very little knowledge (sadly) of how to actually "pray." The thing about prayer is you can talk about it a lot but until you just "do it" and dive in, you won't get anywhere. Enter FOCUS summer training 2007. As a new missionary I was required to pray in silence for 1 hour every day, attend daily  mass, and do a rosary-every day. Talk about a change in lifestyle! Never before in my life had I spent so much quiet time with myself and God. Sure I had "prayed" before, but mostly just when I needed things. In college I had a Bible and it sat on my shelf, occasionally coming out for Bible Study each week. But now, now I had hours (literally) inside a chapel with nothing but silence. And it was HARD. It wasn't fun, at least not at first.  I laugh when I hear people say that religious monks and sisters have it "easy" because they retreat from the "world" and just pray all day. Sitting silent for hours each day requires you to look at yourself, to really sit with yourself and all the things in your life.

After spending two years in FOCUS doing the daily routine of prayer -my life changed. Suddenly God wasn't just some big thing up in the sky directing things. He was real. I took everything to him-the good, the bad, the ugly, the insignificant-everything. Its amazing how prayer shaped my daily choices and activities. Suddenly if I had a problem I found myself waiting until prayer time to figure out the next step. Things slowed way down in my life and I started to crave more silence instead of dread it.

Is there room in your day for more prayer? For more silence? A good gut check for me is to go through my daily routine and look at the noise-alarm clock, television, radio, talking on phone, music in the car, talking at work, etc. We fill our days with so much noise that God can't get in. In our home from 1-3 pm each day the kids nap, and silence fills the air. Its a beautiful thing. Having those two hours of quiet gives me time to think, to pray, to receive whatever it is God is trying to tell me. I often read scripture or other books. I can't say I spend the entire 2 hours in silence, but it is "quiet," without distractions. 

I guess I wanted to start off writing about prayer because often times when I say things like "God spoke to me" or "I feel like God is asking me to do this or that" I fear people might wonder-when? how is God speaking to you? It's in the quiet time, the prayer time. God speaks in the silence and unless we are used to listening we will miss what He is saying. Our souls can rest in silence-they were made for eternal rest so training ourselves here on Earth to rest is really just a preparation for eternity. St.Augustine said "My heart is restless until it rest in Thee." Oh how true are his words!

Hoping you can find some time today to sit in silence and pray. 

Something New

When I stared this blog it was in response to wrapping up my other blog, Good Grief. I was ready to be done writing about sad things, grief, and brokenness. I envisioned this blog being about my life as a stay at home mom-recipes, play dates, crafts-whatever. But its been over a year now and I just don't see this space turing into that. There is still an ache in my heart to write, but I don't really have a desire to write about my living kids. What I need is still to write about Caleb. I need a way to parent him along with my other kids. But then, what to write? Everything that could be said about grief is pretty much summed up in the other blog. So Im praying and thinking about writing more things about our ministry here and what God is doing in our lives. I love writing and I love the outlet it gives me. I also think as Christians it's our duty to encourage one another with the things God has shown and given us. I know God is working in my life and I'm ready to start sharing that with the world, even if it sounds crazy (because it is nine times out of ten). So stick with me as I attempt to write more in this space. Until then enjoy Judah Thomas-5 months! Also, Abigail is in VBS this week and the theme is St. Patrick of Ireland! Fun Times for all!

Life Lately

Its May! April was, ugh, just April like it always is. May brings a renewed sense of hope to my spirit. Lately we have been enjoying the nice weather, sleeping MUCH better, and overall just loving life. Nathan finished his grad school class and has the summer off from school. Judah and Abigail are getting so big!

All dressed for Church!

Adorable lion hat!Roar!

Nathan's getting a good start on the garden 

I love his smile!

Celebrating Abigail's baptism anniversary!

Love staying home so I can lounge in bed with these two!

Hitting up some good garage sale finds!

Radio Time!

Listen in tomorrow (Monday, May 4th) from 1-2 pm Central time to hear my husband and I speak live on relevant radio. We will spend the hour talking about Caleb's story and the hope, redemption, and restoration God had shown us through it all. If you can't listen in during that time, just check the archives for our show and listen anytime!

Listen by Clicking Here!

Happy 4th Birthday!

A little late but Happy 4th Birthday Caleb! We spent the morning delivering muffins to our OB office and the labor and delivery floor as a thank you to all who helped us during Caleb's birth. Then we headed to dinner at steak n shake-the restaurant where I ate many burgers during my pregnancy with Caleb. Overall year 4 has been gentle, manageable, but still so sad. Missing you Caleb, every day!

He is Risen

He is Risen, Risen Indeed!

May the Victory of Easter be with you all!

Family Picture!

Our Resurrection Garden we made-empty tomb!

This guy is my Easter Joy!

Holy Week

Today is Palm Sunday. And just like that the weight I carry of a would be almost 4 year old feels incredibly heavy. Its distracting and I've found myself fighting back tears all day. Four years ago today we were meeting with our pastor to pick out funeral readings. Two days later we buried him in the cold rain. Then we just walked away and tried to pick up our lives. Good Friday felt like a real life nightmare, not just another liturgical ceremony. Sunday was Easter, his due date, and I spent the day packing away my maternity clothes and sobbing. All of these memories came rushing in today as we held our palm branches. 

I listened to a sermon this afternoon online where the pastor asked "what does holy week mean to you?" I thought that was a good question. To me, Holy Week means sorrow-always will. The sorrow I carry from losing my own son and the sorrow I carry as I walk with Mary through this week. She is my constant companion, always willing to carry this load of grief with me.

This picture sums up how I feel this week. It's after the funeral when Nate and I were waiting for the Church to clear out before we headed to the cemetery. I love how big the crucifix looks in comparison to us. I love how empty everything around us looks because that is how it felt. I also love seeing that big Easter Candle. It gave me such hope that the light could overcome the darkness.

Praying for all those suffering this week. All those whose suffering will not end at the Easter Vigil Saturday night. Praying for all those on the cross that they can meet Jesus there and cling to him.