Wednesday, September 16, 2015

The heaviness of grief ministry

"Cold is the night without you here
Just your absence ringing in my ears
Hard is the heart that feels no fear
without the bad the good disappears

Long is the road that leads me home
longer still when I walk alone
bitter is the thought of all that time
spent searching for something ill never find

take this burden away from me
and bury it before it buries me

Many are the days Ive wanted to cease
lay myself down and find some relief
heavy is the head that gets no sleep
we carry our lives around in our memories

so take away this apathy
bury it before it buries me

Steady is the hand that's come to term
with the lessons it has had to learn
Ive seen the things that I must do
Lord, this road is meant for two
So I am waiting here for you

So take my hand and set me free
Take my burdens and bury them deep
Take this burden away from me
Bury it before it buries it buries me"

This song has been playing in my head non stop for about two weeks now. I feel like it sums up not only grief, but also what grief is like now that I do a grief ministry. The stories I have heard recently from new support groups and couples registering for our retreat leave my head spinning. There is so much heartbreak and sadness in this world. I spent my holy hour this past Sunday pouring my heart out to the Lord, telling him much like the prophet Elijah "Enough oh Lord." Sometimes I wonder if I am strong enough to do this ministry, to continue to carry these stories and the hearts of these people with me. It all feels-heavy. And it often leaves me feeling unbalanced and not sure how to walk between two worlds-the land of the living and the land of the dead. And just when I wondered if God understood, or if he had really called me to this ministry I opened the book of Timothy and began reading my assigned Bible Study readings for the week.

"I am grateful to Him who has strengthened me, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he considered me trustworthy in appointing me to the ministry." 1 Timothy 1:12

As I read the words I felt God's smiling down on me saying ,"see, I did call you to this-you can do it-you were made for it." I left that hour of adoration feeling renewed and capable (or at least capable in knowing God is with me!)

This weekend will be good-I know that. Please pray for the couples seeking healing and for my husband and I as we lead them and train others to do this ministry.

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