Sunday, January 18, 2015

Welcome Judah Thomas

Judah Thomas born alive and well on Saturday January 17th at 9:52 am! Weighs 6.12 and 19 inches long!

"And once again she conceived and bore a son. This time, she said, I will give thankful praise to the Lord, and thus named him Judah." Genesis 29:35

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Baby Update!

Baby has flipped and is no longer breech!! The anxiety is getting to me as was obvious this morning as we spent 3 hours (from 4am-7am) in labor and delivery because I was just sure the baby's movements had slowed down. Everything was fine but my doctor and I came to the conclusion that inducing this Thursday night is the best. That leaves only 2 more nights of sleep to get through until Im hooked up to glorious monitors that will allow me to sleep while someone else keeps vigil for this baby! If induction goes smooth (please Lord, please!) then baby should be here late Friday night or early Saturday morning. I love my doctor, did I mention that? She totally understands and is willing to help not only my baby but me too. So for now please wait and pray with us, St. Jude, pray for us!

Look at those cheeks!!

Friday, January 9, 2015

My sanity comes from chicken and diet coke

This place

Has kept my sanity this week. A lot of our normal activites have gotten canceled because of the cold/snow. Normally I would be fine to stay inside but with only a week to go until delivery Im feeling anxious and needing some distractions. Nathan has been trying to go to each appointment this week which means he goes in early(by 6) and hasn't been home to after 5. LONG DAYS people with a toddler and a nervous pregnant mom. So Chick Fil A has come to the rescue. Every day in January our local store is giving away a FREE breakfast item! Abigail and I have hit them up twice this week and its been so enjoyable. We get free breakfast and she gets to run her energy out at the play place. Thanks Chick Fil A Peoria for keeping me sane this week!

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

A Father who keeps his promises

I read this post from fellow FOCUS missionary this morning and cried my eyes out. Not only was her story touching, but it touched my own heart and what God has been speaking to me in this pregnancy-and more importantly how I'm learning to actually believe His promises.

We are in the home stretch-nine more days to go. And while this pregnancy has been hard mentally, it has been no where near as hard as Abigail's was. I compare Abigail's pregnancy to running wild through the woods with my arm chopped off. This pregnancy feels more like a huge lead up to a championship game. I've practiced hard, been diligent, and for the most part have been able to handle the emotions that have come.

After we found out in September that it was another boy things got tougher. I didn't understand why God would put us through that right now? I mean sure I wanted a boy- eventually- but I thought giving me another girl would be a baby step towards dealing with all the baggage a boy would bring. But no, instead we were thrown head first into gearing up for another son. As I sat in prayer I heard God say,

"Together we will bring forth new life in the dead of winter,  and that's my promise for this pregnancy."

My first reaction was "God, you know I hate using "dead" as an adjective. Then without trying to remember, all of a sudden, a flood of emotions and memories came to the surface of what it felt like to lose my first baby boy in the heart of Spring. I was so bitter, so angry at the Spring time. The new life everywhere, the sun, the constant "alleluias" at mass throughout the entire long Easter season.  And as these painful memories came back my heart asked God,

"Lord,You remember that?"

"Of course I remember, I remember it all." was His response.

It was a wound that I myself had forgotten. Something I'd tucked away and moved on from. But here it was now and so I began sitting with it more and more in prayer. It's remained the constant promise from my Father this pregnancy:

"Together we will bring forth new life in the dead of winter."

I've prayed a lot about why it even matters if I believe in His promises. A few weeks ago during Advent I came to the conclusion that I was going to just try, just go all out and actually believe His promises and see if it changed anything. And it has. At night when I wake up panicked because I've fallen asleep for too long and the baby might be dead, I calmly repeat:

"Together we will bring forth new life in the dead of winter."

And it calms me and pulls me out of my anxiety and soon enough the baby moves and I thank God for another day, another hour with this little one. So yes, it has changed how I live presently but its also healed a deep wound. I can't explain enough or put into words what its like as a woman to bring forth death when you were made to bring forth life. That's the one thing that sets us apart from men, right? Our ability to grow and birth life. But my first experience was of bringing forth death, unnatural death in the beginning of Springtime. It's changed me forever, but through the Father's love and promises I'm seeing how it has not crippled me. I think I'll always spend the rest of my life pondering the effect Caleb's stillbirth had on my femininity and overall character as a woman. But we have a God that doesn't forget and like always He wants to redeem that feeling of failure I felt as I pushed Caleb's still body from me.

So today and for the next nine days I'm going to continue to live in His promise. I'm going to write this post and publish it and make it public even though it scares me because "what if I'm wrong!" I trust the Father and I know He does keep His promises.

"Remember your word to your servant by which you give me hope. This is my comfort in affliction, your promise that gives me life."Psalm 119:49-50

These two songs are what are getting me through. They are from the Church Bethel which is a non-denominational church in California. Nathan and I have been listening to their sermons weekly for about the last two years. Their preaching is great and their music is even better. Enjoy!

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Peace of Mind

Feeling the peace of God after leaving my doctor appointment yesterday. Have I mentioned before how much I LOVE the medical profession? I do not trust my body or my intuition so I rely on my medical team to lead me, especially during pregnancy. Our baby is breech and it seems like he's not going to turn any time soon. I have not tried anything to get him to flip (please don't leave a comment about spinning babies!) because I don't want to mess with him or my body. I've walked with women who have tried flipping baby and then stillbirth has occurred afterward. To me trying to flip equals death. If baby wants to stay breech then baby can stay breech!

After spending the week discussing options, praying about it, and talking about it over and over again (my husband is a saint!) we have set a date for a scheduled c-section-January 16th! People that is less than two weeks from today! Feeling so much relief and peace about this decision. I know c-section is major surgery and there will be a harder recovery, but with all the stress and anxiety of late pregnancy and labor, having this part nailed down feels like winning the lottery. 

If baby turns on his own before then, then we will go ahead with induction and hope for a vaginal delivery. I trust my doctors and their opinions and recommendations. Now all that's left is to get the approval of the high risk Dr. this coming Wednesday and to wait. I know it might seems strange to some people to be excited about this new decision but like Nate and I talked-nothing about our situation is ideal. I wish I could trust my body to do what it's supposed to. I wish I didn't have a stillbirth in my history. Every decision seems like the wrong decision and we are just trying to make the best wrong decision. 

I was fretting over to do the c-section at 37 or 38 weeks and finally came to the conclusion to go in the middle at 37 weeks 5 days! I'll get steroid shots ahead of time to help Judah's lungs. This option seems like the one with the lowest risks and so we are going for it. 

13 days baby boy! Until then here are some nursery pictures. We decided to use all of Caleb's old crib bedding. We picked a new theme-lions (the Lion of Judah!) and switched the furniture around. I love how it all turned out. I especially love how little fear there was this time around getting the nursery together. Both Nate and I commented that when we put the nursery together for Abigail we were still so scared. This time we had a lot more hope and excitement. We are also using all of Caleb's old clothes which I thought would be the same seasons but actually are a little off (like none of the newborn clothes are long sleeve, all short sleeve since he was due end of April!) So we shopped for a few new things which felt nice. Oh and did I mention the kid has 52 pairs of socks? How do you get that many socks? But they are some of the cutest boy baby socks I've ever seen! So excited to dress this kid. 

Thanks for the prayers, 13 more days!!

Picked up this hanging night light that has lions on it! Going to be perfect for late night nursing sessions.