Holy Week

Today is Palm Sunday. And just like that the weight I carry of a would be almost 4 year old feels incredibly heavy. Its distracting and I've found myself fighting back tears all day. Four years ago today we were meeting with our pastor to pick out funeral readings. Two days later we buried him in the cold rain. Then we just walked away and tried to pick up our lives. Good Friday felt like a real life nightmare, not just another liturgical ceremony. Sunday was Easter, his due date, and I spent the day packing away my maternity clothes and sobbing. All of these memories came rushing in today as we held our palm branches. 

I listened to a sermon this afternoon online where the pastor asked "what does holy week mean to you?" I thought that was a good question. To me, Holy Week means sorrow-always will. The sorrow I carry from losing my own son and the sorrow I carry as I walk with Mary through this week. She is my constant companion, always willing to carry this load of grief with me.

This picture sums up how I feel this week. It's after the funeral when Nate and I were waiting for the Church to clear out before we headed to the cemetery. I love how big the crucifix looks in comparison to us. I love how empty everything around us looks because that is how it felt. I also love seeing that big Easter Candle. It gave me such hope that the light could overcome the darkness.

Praying for all those suffering this week. All those whose suffering will not end at the Easter Vigil Saturday night. Praying for all those on the cross that they can meet Jesus there and cling to him.